rusty bikeI grew up with five brothers and sisters, which meant that often there wasn’t enough time for me. (or at least it felt that way; I’ve come to learn that I’m insatiable where attention is concerned and crave more and more!) There was chaos at times.
My escape included a rusty old blue bike, but when I threw my leg over that seat, it became a beautiful appaloosa mare, carrying me off to my very own fantasy land. Puddles became babbling creeks as ‘Puddle Jumper’ and I leaped over them (I was really riding through those puddles and would come home soaking wet!

There was also a house that I wished were mine. It was kind of a pink brick, with a white picket fence. Inside was a family, maybe only two kids and I imagined I was one of them. The parents never yelled and the kids got everything they wanted. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

As I matured, my vision of a gorgeous life was to live in that house, with a nine-to-five husband and two beautiful children. I’d greet him each evening in a gossamer gown, as he returned from work in his spiffy business suit, prepare a gourmet dinner and we’d make mad, passionate love all night long. Yep, that was my idea of a gorgeous life.

I also turned to food to comfort me. It’s very difficult to sneak food in a small house with all those brothers and sisters. Somehow I did, but because I was so active, did not have a problem with my weight. In my senior year of high school, I had surgery on my knee, and quickly blossomed to a size sixteen. That was the beginning of a life of diets, binges and more diets.

What I didn’t know is that God had much more grandeur in store for me. I have come to see that turning my will and life over to God meant much more abundance than my own will, I was able to let go of that limiting little memory and open myself to a life beyond my wildest dreams. I learned how to turn to God instead of food, which has become a much more fulfilling venture for me.

the kidsI wanted children, but miscarried. Today I see that as a blessing, not to be tied to what would have been an alcoholic husband and father. God wasn’t saying ‘no’; He was saying ‘wait’. When Dave and I married in 2001, I was gifted with three grown children and two grandchildren. My relationship with them is beyond anything I could have imagined.

That little house was too confining for me, I suppose. Today I live in a beautiful little home-on-wheels, and wake up to a different vista every few weeks. We’re in the high desert right now, and the sun reflects off the mountains in a glorious way. I’ve seen things that I never could have imagined in the last three years.

In case you don't remember what I looked like in 1993

In case you don’t remember what I looked like in 1993

I also maintain a healthy body weight.
God helped me in the food department too. You see, my will is limited, where God’s is abundantly unlimited. He wants way more for me than I could ever want for myself. I wake up every day to a new adventure. Instead of that boxed in little dream life I imagined, I get this, a life beyond anything I could have imagined.

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