I grew up with five brothers and sisters, which meant that often there wasn’t enough time for me. (or at least it felt that way; I’ve come to learn that I’m insatiable where attention is concerned and crave more and more!) There was chaos at times.
My escape included a rusty old blue bike, but when I threw my leg over that seat, it became a beautiful appaloosa mare, carrying me off to my very own fantasy land. Puddles became babbling creeks as ‘Puddle Jumper’ and I leaped over them (I was really riding through those puddles and would come home soaking wet!
There was also a house that I wished were mine. It was kind of a pink brick, with a white picket fence. Inside was a family, maybe only two kids and I imagined I was one of them. The parents never yelled and the kids got everything they wanted.
As I matured, my vision of a gorgeous life was to live in that house, with a nine-to-five husband and two beautiful children. I’d greet him each evening in a gossamer gown, as he returned from work in his spiffy business suit, prepare a gourmet dinner and we’d make mad, passionate love all night long. Yep, that was my idea of a gorgeous life.
I also turned to food to comfort me. It’s very difficult to sneak food in a small house with all those brothers and sisters. Somehow I did, but because I was so active, did not have a problem with my weight. In my senior year of high school, I had surgery on my knee, and quickly blossomed to a size sixteen. That was the beginning of a life of diets, binges and more diets.
What I didn’t know is that God had much more grandeur in store for me. I have come to see that turning my will and life over to God meant much more abundance than my own will, I was able to let go of that limiting little memory and open myself to a life beyond my wildest dreams. I learned how to turn to God instead of food, which has become a much more fulfilling venture for me.
I wanted children, but miscarried. Today I see that as a blessing, not to be tied to what would have been an alcoholic husband and father. God wasn’t saying ‘no’; He was saying ‘wait’. When Dave and I married in 2001, I was gifted with three grown children and two grandchildren. My relationship with them is beyond anything I could have imagined.
That little house was too confining for me, I suppose. Today I live in a beautiful little home-on-wheels, and wake up to a different vista every few weeks. We’re in the high desert right now, and the sun reflects off the mountains in a glorious way. I’ve seen things that I never could have imagined in the last three years.
God helped me in the food department too. You see, my will is limited, where God’s is abundantly unlimited. He wants way more for me than I could ever want for myself. I wake up every day to a new adventure. Instead of that boxed in little dream life I imagined, I get this, a life beyond anything I could have imagined.